The Art of the Self - The Challenge (How much Karma does one know exist?)

I am sitting in front window of a restaurant on the boardwalk in Santa Monica. I am drinking one of the best Stouts I have ever tasted while waiting for my Portabella Mushroom burger. Today is very beautiful and I am alone enjoying this meal to make this a perfect soliloquy; yet, what is perfect about this moment I am experiencing alone with an edible and a liquid refreshment? What could possibly make things worse in this moment in time? Some would call it fate, bad luck, or blame it on "Murphy's Law?" I have a better term Karma.

I remembered reading a book on the Hindu faith about 5 years back and it gave a stern definition of Karma. I lost that book, but wikipedia offered a similar definition, "Karma is not fate, for humans act with free will creating their own destiny. According to the Vedas, if one sows goodness, one will reap goodness; if one sows evil, one will reap evil. Karma refers to the totality of our actions and their concomitant reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our future. The conquest of karma lies in intelligent action and dispassionate response."


From the Hindu philosophy, Karma is seen as a universal code of civility in moral conduct. The basis of Karma is to allow individuals to live in rhythm with their environments and their habituations by the result of their actions, deeds.When applied to the Self, Karma is prudent in the result from the actions the Self perpetuates. My sitting alone at this restaurant on this beautiful hot Saturday morning is idyllic in its description; yet, it's karmic in its action. I chose to be alone in this moment. It's a moment I devote to the Self. I want the Self to understand that each action has a reaction like 'cause' and 'effect.' We know life's problems and obstacles are unavoidable. I am not one to evade these pressures; yet, I am not one to evade life's pleasures, as well. We as humans must learn to define our choices with actions that will have dire results in the future.

When I was returning home from Santa Monica, I noticed how trashy the floor was on the Blue line heading toward Long Beach. Of course, they have a janitorial staff that would clean this up, but my point is focused at the event. I am not going to blame the people, and myself, who saw this mess and did nothing to clean it up. How could we? The blame is the result of someone else's action and we all have to experience it by sitting in that train cab amongst the mess of newspapers, an empty styrofoam coffee cup, and glossy newspaper advertisements sprawled all over the floor like a pig-sty. It wasn't pretty. This little situation I described is a perfect example of  how cause and effect works in a sense of Karma. What could this situation perpetuate for the individual is unknown to myself and the other people on the train who had see this mess or witness its unleashing; however, this individual would wonder why they are having so many discourses as time move further from the present. I could think to say to them is, "Hey, don''t blame it on Murphy, you should learn to clean up your own mess."

Finally I want to go back in time, when I was living in San Francisco as a student at the local state university. I was walking toward the pier in downtown on a nice cool morning, and I saw this man sitting in front of a row of newspaper-magazine stand machines with his possessions in a shopping cart for transportation of these humble possessions. He was positioned across from a Subway, and various eateries attached to one of the gigantic office buildings in downtown.  He was quite impressionable and I thought he was from Tibet, possibly. His English was very decent. I just didn't know what to make of it. Was it his karma or was it just his choice? 

There we go that ambiguity, which lingers in accord with the choices we make. How will our decisions effect us in the future? Sometimes, we make choices based on pure reason of free will while other decisions are based upon future ramifications. This gentleman I refer to above, he was just that, he didn't seem a bit angry or ignorant about the situation he was in at that moment. I guess this was a choice based on his free will. From Karma's perspective, his choice is based upon his deed's, actions. Being homeless is not a Karmic attribute, no; but stealing, robbing, loving, helping, defying, lying, and providing are all derivatives of 'cause' and 'effect' in the annals of Karma. These derivatives are addressed from Karma's judgmental perspective.

With that in mind, this day is coming to an end; so, will that beautiful sunny beach, that delicious dark Stout, that refreshing tasty burger, that nice walk in the sand, that sunbathing hour by the ocean, that bus and train ride home, and the sunset outside the window of my private sanctuary. As I am alone in my studio soaking in my 2-dollar decrepit Onsen-hot bathtub. My head tilted back as I love watching the steam rise north then simmers from the hot water and my skin before it vanished into the thin air. If, this is a piece of what Karma has provided me from some of the rights actions, and deeds of my choices, so be it. If, its a calm before the storm that may later vanquish this happy moment to recall, so be it. With those two thoughts in mind, where do I go from here? It's only life, and karma knows ways to provide these lessons; but, I have to admit life's a puzzle with karma providing the pieces. I guess I will have to figure out where they fit.

The Art of the Self - The Challenge (What to do about Fear?)

I just finished soaking in my rusty old bathtub. This small studio is like a shack about to fall apart from a busted stilt keeping the whole building up! After my hot-bath, I toweled myself down and went to my resistance band workout! I need the burn in my shoulders. My pre-train workout. I will keep this up for another week before I start back weight training, shadow-boxing (and sparring, I hope my boku Yoshi is up to it. He has the Kenpo and I have Shotokan -Kickbox), jogging, climbing, and yoga. There is another tournament coming up 5 months from now. I want total preparation for this one. The challenge this time is to exceed my own expectations and win; my appearance was the first step, yet the knowledge and the expertise I contain should be known to myself in a more productive manner; my translation: start whooping that ass!

Fear is the one thing we must all conquer to cross a gap when in a challenge. I learned my fear was not to have a passion to inflict and to hurt other in competition. These tournament have been designed to test one's skill and courage when in a situation requiring hand-to-hand combat! From what I have observed and experience from the past two tournaments, there is another territory in the level of competition. I believe, I am one of the few competing because it is what I love to do. There are others competing for reasons that are lucrative and beneficial for their livelihood and reputations. Pride is a dangerous motivator; this motivation method is viciously prevalent in some of the competitors. It's their fuel to breath a fire to ignite their passions.

My passion for this sport was natural as a fan. This sport become apart of my life back in high school at Cary High in North Carolina. Before I wrestle for Cary High, I used to watch the wrestling programs like WWF, NWA, and AWA, etc. I remember the many wrestling superstars and when they invented the Superbowl of wrestling with the introduction of Wrestlemania and Starcade! I loved watching the wrestlers and the different techniques they practice and performed in front of live audiences. I love reading the magazines at the 7-11 Eleven's and grocery stores as a young kid. I discovered that wrestling existed in Japan, South America, and other cultures (that is this entertainment wrestling).

As time moved on, I become a member of the JV football squad at Cary High in my sophomore year. There was this one day at practice when the season was ending when Coach Winterton showed the football players a wrestling takedown move on Mike Dunham (it was a sprawl of Mike's double leg attempt). A light bulb lite in my mind and I discovered my sport, my passion. I was pretty good my first two years; I went undefeated my second year as a JV wrestler winning matches and tournaments, but my senior year I was a varsity member and close to becoming a conference champ, a regional placer, and a state qualifier. However, outside the practice room life was not harmonious. I had a very troublesome home life with an drug-addicted abusive step-father to boot.  This sort of thing really can be a barrier in a young person's life. When an opportunity present itself for a youngster to accomplish goals only to have it hinder by a peer or adult bringing their own demons into someone's life. It has devastating consequences. I was very naive at the time to the severity of these actions upon my life. I didn't know the opportunities that awaited me; had I not fallen deeper into an abysmal of rapture that cause this i would have take this road of sovereignty.

Now, diagnosis of my fear. This diagnosis entails: How, I am so afraid of what I could accomplish, because i don't want to take away from someone what they are trying to build for themselves. How, I don't want to be selfish and create a barrier for others for my own selfish reasons of progression. However, years have passed and I have always been the one to be left bleeding. My heart is very good and very compassionate one, but not everyone has such a special spirit. I let my fear become my worst enemy like a crutch keeping a crippled from falling. I let my fear keep my shackle to the floor of a cage never to rise like smoke from a flame. I let my fear hinder my success; I gave too much compassion and not enough aggression when in competition or when in progression in any endeavor. This is what they mean by the "cessations of suffering."

From this examine the echo that followed so profoundly bellowed-hue: I understand now, I am capable in my skill as a grappler. I understand now, I am as strong and as intelligent as I once was when I began being a grappler. I understand now, I must allow my balance to be complete in asserting my fury and my passion to be a survivor. I must assess and exert my aggression as well as my compassion to be a completely balanced athlete. I want to win and if I am to win I must see this as survival on the mat while inside the circle. This is my fuel to ignite my passion to spark the flame to keep the fire brewing a spirit into the cessations of nothingness. This is my belief. I must have a mind of total clarity, peace to extract the harmony and the disharmony to combat these competitors. I have to convert fear into my tool. A tool of nothingness.

I believe in my capabilities, and this believe is a reason I am about to progress and conquer the Self in my quest for enlightenment. I was so glad to say this to myself this morning while soaking away in my rusty old tub. It's like kicking it in an Onsen in Kyoto. It is where i do my best thinking for about an hour or two out of the week. It has become my sanctuary. 

The Art of the Self - The Challenge

Today, I decided to take a trip across town. I am in Hollywood on Highland Blvd.at a Starbucks. Consumer-Tourist heaven filled with the Hollywood cultural spiel of characters from Prostitutes to hustlers to tourist to street punks to nerds, etc. You name it and it's here, literately. The mania and the energy here is revolts around this phenomenal environment with the tourist stores, the sidewalks with the names of famous actors, athletes, musicians, and personalities; also included are fashion clothing stores, bowling alley, high class hotels, etc.. It saturates the whole city in its micro-bacterial infestation. It's hard not to notice it, but I am beginning to have a sort of distaste for this sort of environment lately. Nothing personal, it's just maybe I have outlived the experience and the reality of this city. It has lost it sparkle and transformed into a gaunt-spectacle of virality. The vitality is a virus to consume the self into an erosive deterioration.

Henceforth, I have just begun summer vacation from the university. I have been able to catch up on some much needed rest and reading during this first week of vacation. I was able to clean up my small studio apartment. I still have some more things to clean up, but the one thing I need to clean is "my mind." I think one of the toughest things we have to consider about life is how do we confront ourselves? It's always a challenge to acknowledge a problem within ourselves, but the biggest obstacle is whether we wish to change or to cultivate this problem into a fruition of the Self. This challenge offers us the ability to be far more capable than what we are told we aren't capable of.

I think the word "challenge" defines the first thing to come to mind when anyone wants to confront the face that they see in the mirror every morning they wake-up. The "Self" is an interesting psychological infrastructure that is a combination of experiences, observations, and illusions we have confined as an education. We could declaratively recall many events in an episodic or a semantic position, but they could easily be forgotten or trivialized by a new sources of information. Either way, this is a perfect example of education in the process of the Self.

A great reference to this challenge I speak of could be better exemplified by the Buddha's "Noble Eightfold Path." This path was constructed by Siddhartha as the means to end suffering in the Self.  The Eightfold Path contains the following:

1. Right View	Wisdom
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech	Ethical Conduct
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort	Mental Development
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

Each principle in the Eightfold Path has a purpose to end suffering that leads any individual, who follow it, to the understandings of their suffering and the obtainment of their enlightenment. The Self should be seen as a vehicle toward the path and the road we choose to travel in search of answers and of quest toward more unknowable accolades the Self desires to obtain.

The Eightfold Path is just an example of the Self's capabilities when given the opportunity to seek knowledge and to seek enlightenment or to seek refuge from the many strifes developed by the persistence in life's trivial endeavors. I am not saying life is perfect, but I know we all can't evade suffering. The Self should never be neglected for it's like a slow-burning suicide. Denying the Self what it needs to fuel it's fire will not kill the problem or save you time; no. This will prolong the process of the inevitable that life, as you known it to be, will not remain in this state of stagnant mediocrity.

The awakened mind is a mind one must taste; furthermore, I wake up everyday wondering or thinking what i can do to make it better for myself! I cannot live my life not knowing the position I have with myself and with the environment I inhabit. I have to divorce every emotion and every person close to me when a question of my faith in my will to exist. I know I have desires and I have pleasures I want to obtain, but I cannot proceed forward to experience and enjoy these delightful pleasures in leisure without some sort of understanding of my position in the Self. I can't be nobody's fool, but my own. I think the best part about this awakened state is the acknowledgment of how powerful and how prudent the "Self" is as an identity and as a personality for us who questions it. This analysis is just one of the gaps we must fill about the "Self."

It's weird; I didn't expect to write this much or anything at all. Yet, I woke up this morning filled with elation and with ease. It was a peaceful state I have longed for in quite sometime until I walked out of the door of my apartment, took the metro train from Long Beach to Downtown L.A. all the way to Hollywood. Oh boy! When you are fresh like I am at the moment, there are the wolves, the cats, the cheetahs, and the dogs smelling your scent and ready to get a piece of the feast. I am the one in the sheep's clothing; but, I am not a wolf....I am a different creature.